This is meant to be silly, children are such a gift, but parenting can challenge you in ways you never dreamed. Enlightenment is easy in a cave, try it with a family. With that said, here is making light of some parenting truths.
1. You will have someone there to repeat everything you say in case you forget. “No mama, you said ‘oh shit’. I heard you, that’s what you said”. Okay thanks.
2. You will never be lonely again. Ever. Period. Not in the bathroom, not in the shower, not on the phone.
3. Your mom boobs get really big and plump. If only for a little while you have Goddess Boobs.
3. You finally have someone in your life to give you honest feedback. “Mom you breath smells funny”. Thanks.
4. You will have little people to point out the obvious when you are in public.”Mom why are that guys pants falling down, you can see his but.” Um, ahhh, yeah…..There are different responses to this one depending on whether said guy heard you, what age your child is, and whether you have been “over this before”.
5. You will finally have a valid reason to excuse yourself when your stuck with those people at that party, ‘Excuse me, I have to go check on the kids.” Use this while you can, it does not last forever.
6. You will learn things about time and space that no physics class could teach. Like when you blink your eyes and the 4 year old has just completely painted the face of the 2 year old, all while you filled up your water glass.
7. You will find yourself at some point silently apologizing to and praising your own mother, now realizing the trials you put her through. For me this happened when our oldest was 17. Sorry Mom……you are amazing.
8. For years after child birth, when uncomfortable situations come up you will think “well this isn’t so bad. At least its not labor.” Its been 6 years since my last child and I still think this.
9. You will learn a whole new definition of sleep deprivation. And a whole new love of coffee.
10. You will find out that no matter how many times you say, “Ok time for bed, go brush your teeth.” Your children will act shocked, like they did not see this coming, like it has not happened every night since they had teeth. This also applies to homework and vegetables.